Treize-sama's Twelve Days of Gundam Wing

By neko

Okay, this is a personal favourite: my christmas carol written in mid-august. Dude, I was away from my computer for a whole month. It's also the only worthwhile one of my GW fics. So here it is, mostly intact, since I'm unwilling to change much.

neko: Well, here we go!
Treize: I hate it.
neko: I care. I wasn't talking to you, anyway. I was talking to the readers.
Treize: What readers?
neko: Hidoi! There has to be somebody!
Treize: Right. Where is all of this stuff coming from anyways?
neko: Sears. And for the record, I am not a bitch.
Treize: Explain that.
neko: It's impossible. I'm a cat, not a canine. Now go away and come back when you think of an appropriate insult.
Treize: Why? It's not like you have anything else to do.
neko: You know, for a handsome general, you're really quite cruel
Treize: Thank you.
neko: You're welcome. Now finish up.
Treize: *sigh* Why me?
neko: Because everybody loves Treize-sama. This will get me publicity. Do it.
Treize: *sweatdrop* neko-chan, thankfully, does not own Gundam Wing nor the Christmas carol she has so *cough* delightfully mutilated.

On the first day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
A psychopathic secretary <Eep! Run!>

On the second day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Two jealous lovers <This is what I get for not planning ahead . . . >
And a psychopathic secretary <Definitely a nutbar.>

On the third day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Three uniform cloaks <Just what I always wanted!>
Two jealous lovers <Maybe we could threesome?>
And a psychopathic secretary <How many personalities does she have?>

On the fourth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Four chastened colleagues < . . . And let that be a lesson to you!>
Three uniform cloaks < . . . More of them!>
Two jealous lovers <Come, on. It'll be fun!>
And a psychopathic secretary <Lady Une, Woman of Many Faces . . . >

On the fifth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <They ARE rather annoying . . . >
Four chastened colleagues < . . . I really don't like those guys . . . >
Three uniform cloaks <This is good, because my last one got ripped . . . >
Two jealous lovers <Wufei, put down the sword . . . >
And a psychopathic secretary <Maybe "And a secretary with an identity crisis" would be more accurate?>

On the sixth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Six guns-a-smoking <Where did these come from?>
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! < . . . Although the pilots are cute . . . >
Four chastened colleagues < . . . Conniving bastards are always trying to use me . . . >
Three uniform cloaks < . . . And, no, I am not telling why.>
Two jealous lovers <What are you doing, Milliard?>
And a psychopathic secretary <Yes, I am aware that it doesn't scan . . . >

On the seventh day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Seven bottles of Cognac <Ooh . . . Somebody likes me . . . >
Six guns-a-smoking < . . . And who would have shot one round from each? In my office!>
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <Especially that Chinese one.>
Four chastened colleagues < . . . Someone sould inform them that I am the master manipulator.>
Three uniform cloaks <Whose are these, anyways?>
Two jealous lovers <UNTIE ME, DAMNIT!!!>
And a psychopathic secretary <Mind you, she is kinda crazy anyways . . . >

On the eighth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Eight lords-a-leaping <Aren't there supposed to be twelve?>
Seven bottles of Cognac <Now all I need are some glasses.>
Six guns-a-smoking <And why is there no blood?>
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <I didn't need those soldiers, really.>
Four chastened colleagues <And today's award for "Who Can Rat On The Most People" goes to . . . >
Three uniform cloaks <Milliard? Do you want one?>
Two jealous lovers <Does this mean Friday's off?>
And a psychopathic secretary < . . . Now that I think aout it, are there any sane people in this entire series?>

On the ninth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Nine new shot glasses <Thank you.>
Eight lords-a-leaping <Well, I suppose it's true . . . >
Seven bottles of Cognac <Don't mind if I do.>
Six guns-a-smoking <I'm beginning to think I'm being stalked . . . >
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <You sunk my battleship!>
Four chastened colleagues <Why are you dwelling on this? I have more important things to do!>
Three uniform cloaks <Why would I need three?>
Two jealous lovers <I do love you, you know . . . Both of you . . . >
And a psychopathic secretary <No! We're all obsessive, violent wackos!>

On the tenth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Ten swords-a-shining <Now how about some sheaths?>
Nine new shot glasses <Are these things aerodynamic?>
Eight lords-a-leaping <Treize-sama says, "Jump!">
Seven bottles of Cognac <Alcohol is good for me, I swear!>
Six guns-a-smoking < . . . By yet another wierdo . . . >
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <Please stop shouting.>
Four chastened colleagues <Cry me a river.>
Three uniform cloaks <Well, I suppose I could find some use for them . . . >
Two jealous lovers <If it helps, Dragon, I ordered his death a while ago . . . >
And a psychopathic secretary <I guess birds of a feather flock together . . . >

On the eleventh day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Eleven sheaths-a-um . . . er . . . containing <Really, couldn't you have thought of anything better than that?>
Ten swords-a-shining <I can see myself!>
Nine new shot glasses < . . . The help can have very bad timing . . . >
Eight lords-a-leaping < . . . Or maybe "Leap!" would be better . . . >
Seven bottles of Cognac <I'm NOT drunk!>
Six guns-a-smoking <Not that I don't like the presents!>
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <They get the point, already, yes?>
Four chastened colleagues <Go and sit in the corner until you've learned to behave.>
Three uniform cloaks < . . . And for the last time, I'm not telling!>
Two jealous lovers < . . . And I didn't take him until after you left, Milliard . . . >
And a psychopathic secretary < . . . But we're not mono-plumed birds.>

On the twelfth day of Gundam my true love gave to me:
Twelve servants interrupting <That's it! You're fired!>
Eleven sheaths-a-containing <What do I do with the extra?>
Ten swords-a-shining <Here Dragon, Dragon, Dragon . . . Want to play?>
Nine new shot glasses <Well, how would you like it if some servant walked in on you without knocking first?>
Eight lords-a-leaping < . . . I suppose it doesn't matter . . . >
Seven bottles of Cognac <Not that I'm complaining, but this makes 42 in all . . . >
Six guns-a-smoking < . . . Isn't 42 supposed to be the answer?>
FIVE BLOODY GUNDAMS!!!!!! <You're a repetitive bitch aren't you?>
Four chastened colleagues <Children.>
Three uniform cloaks <Warm is good . . . >
Two jealous lovers <There, see? It's not so bad.>
And a psychopathic secretary <I guess you can't have everything.>

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