A pointless Slayers fic by neko
neko: I scream, you scream, we all scream for--
neko: ANO! *boots him into her closet* Anyways, I'm not feeling too well, I'm hyper, sleep deprived, and I think someone laced my aspirin.
Xelloss: Why does that bear have nipples?
neko: Don't blame me. I didn't draw it. *continues* Er . . . yeah. None of these characters are mine, I am a lowly wretch, etc. This is YAOI and totally pointless, so consider yourself warned. C&C's welcome. Flames will be soiled and returned.
Oh, and this was inspired (heavily) by Harukami's Lone Wolf, an yes, I have permission, and yes, I'm acknowledging the connection, okay? Just so we're clear. If you'd like to see the picture she drew for me, take a look. And I've got this little baby, too.
Additional warning: This is very old and very pointless. Read at your own risk.
And I got the term 'flan' from Mykkhal:
For the uniformed, and even the uninformed, reader, "flan" is a Mexican (or maybe Spanish) dessert. Its main part is a square, patty-like concoction that is mostly white with a slight yellow tint and is about the same consistency as room temperature tofu . . . and tastes about the same also, meaning tasteless. Glazing it and puddling around it is an extremely sweet, sticky syrup. Overall, it is of questionable substance, lacking in taste, and made for those who like it sweet and sappy.
"Gaav-sama, what's this?" Valgarv held up the large-ish book.
"Nothing, Val. Just pictures." Gaav barely looked up.
"Of you? I want to see!" He opened the book.
And burst out laughing.
It was a photo of the Dark Lords as children. Dolphin sat in the background, making sand castles. Dynast ate inconspicuously. Xelas was tort--er . . . playing with squirrels. Philbrezo stood in the foreground, looking smug. Gaav glared suspiciously at the camera as though expecting it to bite him.
He probably was. It probably had.
Gaav looked up, shook his head, and went back to work.
Val turned the page. And snickered.
A young Gaav glared back at him, clutching a stuffed demon god and missing his two front teeth.
'How . . . cute.' He turned the page and giggled.
A teenaged Gaav chased the Beastmaster, a murderous glint in his eyes. His hair had a life all, its own flying out in all directions with something that looked suspiciously like pink ribbons. Xelas looked far too proud of herself.
He chuckled and turned the page . . .
Gaav was perturbed. He couldn't place exactly why, but he was, and it had something to do with the ex-ryuzoku across from him.
His eyebrow twitched.
The feeling grew.
The feeling intensified.
'Oh, shit.' The thought came through only moments before . . .
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?"
'This could be messy.'
It was Gaav as he'd seen him many times before . . . but the company was very different.
'X-- X-- X-- but he's . . . but I . . . but WHY?!?'
"WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THE BEASTMASTER?!?!?" 'As if it isn't obvious . . .'
"Val, it's not what you think . . ."
"LIKE HELL IT ISN'T!" Val was mad. Very mad. Hopping mad, in fact. And jealous. If given a long tongue and a 'ribbit,' he would have made a rather attractive frog. He was about ready to murder the Beastmaster. He was about ready to murder HIS master...
He was thrown for a loop.
"Wha . . .?"
"Hell. A party. Liquid Fire. Lots of it."
"Oh." Liquid Fire. 'That sounds pretty good right now . . .' He passed out.
Gaav stared at the unconcious dragon a moment before picking up the book.
'Fuck. I can see why he'd be upset. I didn't know anyone took pictures . . .' He thought about that a bit. 'Wait a minute! How are there pictures? And why are they in here?!? Whoever did this is a rotten cruel sneaky bastard who'll get his comeuppance . . .'
In Hell, someone sneezed.
Valgarv awoke to the sensation of fingers running through his hair. 'Gaav-sama . . .' He was lying down, presumably on a bed.
Then memory came rushing back. He stiffened and opened his eyes.
"Val? Are you okay? You fainted."
He nodded, then shook his head. "I didn't."
"Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I didn't faint. Ryuzoku don't faint. Mazoku don't faint. Humans faint. Do I look human to you?"
"Nooo . . ." Gaav was wary. Good.
"THEN STOP FUCKING TREATING ME LIKE ONE, DAMNIT!!!"
"Okay." Now he was . . . sheepish. Not good. "Val, I'm sorry. Are you angry with me?" Gaav was apologizing. Something was very wrong.
"Who are you and what have you done with my Gaav-sama?"
"Damnit, Valgrav, it's me! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
'Okay, he's swearing again. That's a good sign.' Val had been through a lot in his life, but a meek Gaav was NOT something he was prepared to deal with. "What's wrong with me? What do you think?"
"I think maybe I should explain."
"I think maybe you should."
'This has to be handled delicately or I may lose my head, among other things.'
"It was a long time ago, just after the bloody Shinma war. Philbrezo held a party to celebrate before we went back to trying to kill each other. The little brat had a stash of Liquid Fire hidden away and brought it out for the occasion. We got fucking drunk and I slept with the Beastmaster."
There was a long pause.
"Fuck. Are you mad? Damnit, Val, talk to me!"
"No, I'm not mad. It was a long time ago. And you promise you're not interested in her anymore?"
"Well, then . . ."
Much later, Val flipped through the photo album again. Now that he thought about it, it wasn't so bad. 'In fact, Gaav-sama looks . . .' He cut the thought off as a nosebleed threatened. 'I wonder how this got in here . . .'